Chris Holdsworth and the Uncertainty of Tomorrow

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Holdsworth left his family for Las Vegas to further his training. He excelled in grappling as a Grappler’s Quest and North American Grappling Association champion under Laimon’s guidance. He also became involved in MMA training with Evan Dunham and Tyson Griffin, among others. He moved to Texas at 19 and worked with Team Takedown and future UFC welterweight champion Johny Hendricks before a national title in Pankration and Tuff-N-Nuff amateur fights transitioned Holdsworth into the professional ranks. Then he relocated back to Southern California. As a jiu-jitsu black belt training with top MMA names, it was difficult to get fights. He replied to an open call from Eric Triliegi for free room and board while searching for opportunity. The chance came to fight out of Faber’s Team Alpha Male camp in Northern California four years ago.

Holdsworth arrived at Ultimate Fitness two weeks after responding to Triliegi’s post, and the gym propelled him to the UFC level through “The Ultimate Fighter” reality series. While it inadvertently aggravated the issues that have sidelined him, it also bolstered him during this trying time while he mounts a comeback.

“People are getting their shine. Everyone’s getting their time. I’m going to get mine,” Holdsworth said. “I saw a small piece of it. People, my fans, people in the world, saw a small part of my success.

“I’m going to be a world champion someday,” he added without hesitation. “I know that for sure.”

Becoming a champion is contingent on his health. Holdsworth believes everything happens for a reason, and his concussion issues are no different. They forced him to step back from the fast ride that is being a UFC prospect and ruminate on the stakes. Holdsworth thinks concussion information should be at the forefront of UFC and gym cultures. The sport needs amplified emphasis on smart training for competitive longevity and long-term health, and fighters should pursue knowledge on the subject with the same fervor they bring to training. Coincidentally, UFC commentator Joe Rogan’s podcast raised Holdsworth’s awareness about the symptoms from which he was suffering.

“If I was more knowledgeable about head trauma and concussions, I wouldn’t be sparring five or six days a week,” said Holdsworth, who explained that it was not just sparring but fighting with world-class competitors on a regular basis.

It is common for fighters to be in what amounts to a year-long training camp. Holdsworth did not have a girlfriend coming up through the ranks, so he never took time off. He sparred in Team Alpha Male’s three pro MMA practices per week, plus two boxing sessions. Duane Ludwig reduced sparring when he began coaching at Team Alpha Male in 2013, and pro sessions only occur once a week now. Coach Martin Kampmann, who has struggled with concussion issues of his own, oversees sparring.

Holdsworth first experienced concussion symptoms two months before becoming “The Ultimate Fighter” winner. They subsided. Then a second concussion coincided with training for his second UFC bout. He did not spar for two months leading up to the match with Camus. He kept grinding because it was all he knew how to do, and he chalked up the issues to the time-honored idea that “you’re never going to have a perfect training camp.”

Holdsworth recently re-watched the Camus fight and saw all the errors in the only decision of his career. He acknowledged he was not himself in the cage: “I was all jacked up.”

“I wasn’t going for submissions because I was scared I’d get in a striking battle again and hurt myself more,” Holdsworth said. “Now that I know, it was a messed-up learning experience to say the least, ’cause I have to go through all this stuff now.”

Holdsworth first reacted negatively to being away from competition. He was “just depressed in my apartment, not going to the gym, blaming myself, blaming other people, feeling lost.” He switched to a positive mindset because negativity was not conducive to healing anything. Still, he is now all-too-familiar with concussion symptoms: eyes bugging out, light sensitivity, ringing in his ears, feeling foggy, anxiety and depression. Holdsworth remarked that depression is normal when something you love so much is taken from you, and he expressed gratitude toward fans encouraging him throughout this process. It affirms that others recognize his potential, too. He is energized by the fact that the character he has built through marital arts touched people enough for them to cross paths.

“I got a message yesterday from a guy I inspired through ‘The Ultimate Fighter,’ and now he’s a blue-belt in jiu-jitsu,” said Holdsworth, revealing it was someone at a sheriff’s department that utilized self-defense in a pivotal real-world situation. “I might not know it, but I might actually be helping people with my story, my fights or my personality. If I can help people or change people’s lives for the better, that’s what’s important for me.”

Holdsworth cannot wait to perform for fans again. That certainly matters, but where it really matters for Holdsworth -- and other fighters -- is not in the cage but in cognitive functioning. One day at a time is not just a mantra for his comeback; it is a mandate of his situation. He trusts it will turn out in his favor. The Californian appreciates there is plenty left to prove, and he yearns to showcase that he wields a champion’s mindset and elite fighter’s prowess.

“They’re going to want to know, man: Is he the same guy?” Holdsworth said. “Is he this or is that? But I’m going to be that same guy, one of the most exciting jiu-jitsu prospects in the game.”

Danny Acosta is a SiriusXM Rush (Channel 93) host and contributor. His writing has been featured on Sherdog.com for nearly a decade. Find him on Twitter and Instagram @acostaislegend.